Tagged: Rangers

The Hotstove Trump Card

HAH!  Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Hah! The heat! It all boils down to the heat!
The one single variable no human being can control no matter what.
Something as basic as the temperature. [snicker]

hotstove_1.jpg

thermometer_in_sun.jpg

That’s right, last week Cliff Lee informed the Texas Rangers that he isn’t sure if he can handle the heat. No, he wasn’t referring to the flash of a hundred cameras lighting up his face at a press conference. He was talking about the weather. Yessiree, the searing Texas heat that holds the power to bake a cow pie into something resembling a fine piece of Lenox china, fry an egg on a sidewalk, and melt the soles of your shoes faster than you can say “rubber baby buggy bumpers.”

Despite having admitted to being perfectly happy together “deep in the heart,” the Lees are entertaining offers to relocate to cooler climates. One possibility is New York, New York. If Cliff could ask Frank Sinatra, Gene Kelly and Jules Munshin they would all tell him, “It’s a wonderful town.”

OntheTown_NY_NY.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFDJ9rhYNXU&sns=em

NYY_icecream_helmet.jpg

In actuality, New York can be frighteningly frigid in the Spring,
horribly humid in the Summer and only a little cooler than Texas, but
enough to make a survivable difference when compared to 105ºF day after day.

When given the choice, I’ll take my cold, frozen ice cream in a mini
Yankees helmet over a Rangers
soup bowl meltdown hands down on any hot summer
day.

Not unlike other Texans of Yankees history, it would seem Cliff Lee may be willing to trade grilled cheese sandwiches seared on the hood of his car for being grilled by the searing lights of the New York press.  It’s not like he would be a lone star.  He already has some friends in New York who he can dodge the cameras with while out on the town.

That’s fine with me. Now, would I rather have a good pitcher or a good pitcher of _________? You fill in the blank. I’ve already made up my mind. The question still remains…When will Lee make up his?

images_nyy_world.jpg

d8)%–< | >€27@p

Advertisements

An Open Apology to Mrs. Cliff Lee, et al.

(and a Stern Warning to All Morons)

Before I get to the apology, I find it necessary to attend to this first:

First Order of Business

Dear Yankees Lunkheads (you know who you are),

Ok, you moronic idiots, now you’ve done it! Reality check…You are not big fans. You are big fannies!  That’s right, jackasses!  Thanks to your stupidity, a prospective Yankee player may not care to come to The Big Apple because you wormy maggots had to act like the pathetic drunks that you obviously must be and yell obscenities, throw beer, and spit…yes.SPIT! (ewwww!)…on the lovely wife of one of baseball’s most gifted pitchers, Cliff Lee. Instead of sitting back in your seats like good little children to enjoy watching one of baseball’s living legends, YOU decided to take it upon YOURSELVES to embarrass the good citizens of New York, whose proper behavior you should have been emulating.

Let’s get one thing straight. It is NOT cool, NOR is it accepted behavior to act like obnoxious buffoons in public. What you do on your own time is your business and, probably, no one wants to know about it, judging by your recent display of stupidity. Don’t ever assume that the we Yankee fans back you up. We don’t. You deserve to be embarrassed for your heinous acts. Shame on you, you, you big bullies!

How would you like it if you traveled cross-country to watch your family member perform in front of a national audience, only to be greeted by pompous jerks who called you names and tossed stuff at you in front of millions of viewers and in front of your kids? I’ll bet you wouldn’t like it too much. Better yet, what if your sons and daughters acted out like that? How proud would you be? My guess is, about as proud as your own mothers and fathers are of you right now.

Even a young kid is wiser than you. You could learn a lot from this eloquent young man Grayson Chance:

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2010/10/greyson_chance_opens_up_about_bullying_1026.php

As for Mrs. Kristen Lee, the woman responsible for keeping her talented husband on track and holding down the fort while he throws strike after strike, day after grueling day, and all of the Rangers’ families who endured the same cruel treatment…

Dear Mrs. Lee,

On behalf of all NY Yankees fans, please accept our most sincere apologies. You did not deserve to be a victim of such cruel taunting by a few rotten eggs. That is not the way we choose to treat our guests. That was most rude of them and we will not tolerate it. Those unrefined Cro-Magnon men do not represent us. They are despicable, rude pigs who deserve to be fed gruel vs. liquid yeast and roll in their own horrid words. The average Yankee fan has a deep respect for your other half and thoroughly enjoys watching the amazing gift Cliff Lee possesses -12-9, 3.18 ERA, 185 strikeouts in 2010.

Kindly find it in your heart to forgive us for our obnoxious behavior that night. We promise it will never happen again. We are extremely embarrassed by this incident and very sorry that a small handful of supposed fans treated you so poorly.

Please allow Brenda Lee to patch things up between us…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=HEMjeYPfqSg

You and your family are welcome to come back to Yankee Stadium any time and we guarantee things will be a lot different. You deserve better and we would like the opportunity to make it up to you. Please do not be hardened by the thought of returning to the great city of New York. It has so many wonderful things to offer. We hope you will give us another chance.

With many arms extended, we remain truly yours with “Purple Skies,”

images_nyy_world.jpg

d8)%–< l >€27@p

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.